Day Twenty-Two

OK, hit me in the gut with this assignment!
I realize now how one little word of negativity can over-shine 100's of positives. I know I get on a tangent of everything that bugs me about TJ, especially when my mom is in town. It's like it becomes a TJ bashing session and I truly hate myself for doing that in the past. I have been encouraging him for 22days now and I can't imagine going back. I am praying hard that when my mom comes and visits she will see the changes in both TJ and myself. I don't want to talk harshly about it or to him about anything, Jesus comes to us in love and we should come to each other in the same way.

May my speech be always seasoned with grace.....

Day Twenty-One

Unfortunately, TJ does not have an eternal perspective on life. I am hopeful the Lord of Lords will change his heart. He is more open to attending church regularly and attending some of the conferences that are offered periodically at our church. I pray his attendance won't be the only part of him there....I cherish the day he will turn himself over to the Lord. I know it will happen, it's just a matter of when. The hardest part is realizing that he knows the truth, he just doesn't want to submit to it. He is so focused on what he says is 'putting family first' that he doesn't even hear me when I explain that putting Jesus first in his life is what his family needs and in reality... truly putting his family first. I just don't understand how someone can admit to know the Bible is 100% true, yet not want to apply it. In our discussion I found myself wanting to curse at him and call him names, but that is so NOT what Jesus wants. I was truly hurt and broken by our conversation, I even felt like giving up on him. I can't do that!! I won't do that!! Jesus isn't giving up on him, I see the Lord working on him even if TJ doesn't. TJ is worth it!! I just pray he realizes that I don't care how much money he makes, if he cooks or cleans or if we have a big house, I simply......want him in Heaven with me and the kids.

Day Nineteen to Twenty

What a busy week! I can't blog to the specifics of each day, I blinked and it was over!! I will say, that I did accomplish each assignment...although the details are a total blur. I'll be focusing on today's and praying that my memory holds :)

Until the 21st day completion.....

Day Seventeen

TJ's vision is all based on 'fixin-up" the house. He love to tinker in the yard, plant flowers, tear down a wall, anything involving tools he loves. So to ask him about his vision for our home....it's totally evident...LOL

As for the walking with God, that's totally up to TJ. I've tried talking to him about his walk with the Lord but he becomes so defensive and argumentative. I know this reaction is because he doesn't like what he hears, he wants to be the ruler of himself and doesn't want authority over him. I know the Lord is working on him and there is going to be a time when he can't ignore what I've told him. I want desperately for him to love the Lord more than anyone. I know that time will come, it's just when......God's timing.

I started this study to help me to be still and let Jesus' light shine for TJ to see. If only TJ would trust me enough to believe what I tell him about Jesus, the Bible, Christianity and not rely on what he thinks he knows. I would never trust what another person says about the Sonar field, TJ has the knowledge...so I often wonder why he is incapable of believing me about Jesus. I cannot wait for the day he is broken and bent before the King, only then will all my worries fade away.

Day Sixteen

Communication....well, I usually do most of the talking and didn't really realize how just being quiet and listening is a wonderful way of communicating. I always thought it was TJ's way of letting it go in one ear and out the other, but it truly isn't! How many women don't get to finish what they are trying to say and are continually interrupted by their husband when she is expressing her feelings?? Here I am, blessed to have a husband who truly listens to me!! I will forever be blessed by TJ's silence, it not ignoring it's attention to the details of my statements. I love him more and more knowing this fact.

Until tonight...

Day Fifteen

TJ's faith is always a concern of mine. I must remember this is in the Creator's hands, not mine. I am so blessed he is attending church with me, something he told me he would never do when we were dating. I see how the Lord is working in him. I would love for the changes to be quicker, but I am not the Lord and His timing is far better than mine. In 15days the Lord has shown me where I need to change and with that...TJ is changing. We attended a new venue at our church and TJ said he really liked it, not that he didn't like the main service...just this service is more intamate. If this is where he can be intimate with the Lord, then I am not stopping it, we will attend this venue and I support him in this decision. I know the Lord is working. TJ might not see it, but I sure do.

He has been so loving and compassionate with the back pain I am going through, it has been a blessing to me. TJ is a true "tough guy" so to see him worry for me in his helplessness has made me want to lean on him even more. He is showing faith in me for our home-school journey and has given me his blessing in financial matters when he would normally put the checkbook first and the need second.

I had been so focused on his faults that I had not taken the time to see the benefits in the things that bothered me. I failed terribly in the 'obeying' part of my vows and didn't get what I desired. Now with submitting to obey my husband I have gained more freedom...sounds silly?? Welllll, Jesus knows what is best and if He required them in marriage vows, then I suppose I should actually 'do' and 'listen' to those vows....after all, He knows best. I have fallen in love with my husband all over again, in a deeper way then I knew possible. I thank Jesus for this. I just pray TJ realizes just how much I truly love him.

Day Fourteen

Integrity? I have to say, my husband has it. He is firm in our marriage and he does not fall into temptation. How do I know my husband is faithful in all ways regarding our marriage....well, he told me once that "it's not an option". He doesn't make certain things an option, if you don't have a choice to do it...you won't. I love that about him. Cheating - "it's not an option", Drunkenness - "it's not an option", Cowardliness - "it's not an option", Slander - "it's not an option", Dead Beat Dad - "it's not an option", and so on...
I can honestly say, my husband is a man of integrity. Praise the Lord.