Day Twenty-Two

OK, hit me in the gut with this assignment!
I realize now how one little word of negativity can over-shine 100's of positives. I know I get on a tangent of everything that bugs me about TJ, especially when my mom is in town. It's like it becomes a TJ bashing session and I truly hate myself for doing that in the past. I have been encouraging him for 22days now and I can't imagine going back. I am praying hard that when my mom comes and visits she will see the changes in both TJ and myself. I don't want to talk harshly about it or to him about anything, Jesus comes to us in love and we should come to each other in the same way.

May my speech be always seasoned with grace.....

Day Twenty-One

Unfortunately, TJ does not have an eternal perspective on life. I am hopeful the Lord of Lords will change his heart. He is more open to attending church regularly and attending some of the conferences that are offered periodically at our church. I pray his attendance won't be the only part of him there....I cherish the day he will turn himself over to the Lord. I know it will happen, it's just a matter of when. The hardest part is realizing that he knows the truth, he just doesn't want to submit to it. He is so focused on what he says is 'putting family first' that he doesn't even hear me when I explain that putting Jesus first in his life is what his family needs and in reality... truly putting his family first. I just don't understand how someone can admit to know the Bible is 100% true, yet not want to apply it. In our discussion I found myself wanting to curse at him and call him names, but that is so NOT what Jesus wants. I was truly hurt and broken by our conversation, I even felt like giving up on him. I can't do that!! I won't do that!! Jesus isn't giving up on him, I see the Lord working on him even if TJ doesn't. TJ is worth it!! I just pray he realizes that I don't care how much money he makes, if he cooks or cleans or if we have a big house, I simply......want him in Heaven with me and the kids.

Day Nineteen to Twenty

What a busy week! I can't blog to the specifics of each day, I blinked and it was over!! I will say, that I did accomplish each assignment...although the details are a total blur. I'll be focusing on today's and praying that my memory holds :)

Until the 21st day completion.....

Day Seventeen

TJ's vision is all based on 'fixin-up" the house. He love to tinker in the yard, plant flowers, tear down a wall, anything involving tools he loves. So to ask him about his vision for our home....it's totally evident...LOL

As for the walking with God, that's totally up to TJ. I've tried talking to him about his walk with the Lord but he becomes so defensive and argumentative. I know this reaction is because he doesn't like what he hears, he wants to be the ruler of himself and doesn't want authority over him. I know the Lord is working on him and there is going to be a time when he can't ignore what I've told him. I want desperately for him to love the Lord more than anyone. I know that time will come, it's just when......God's timing.

I started this study to help me to be still and let Jesus' light shine for TJ to see. If only TJ would trust me enough to believe what I tell him about Jesus, the Bible, Christianity and not rely on what he thinks he knows. I would never trust what another person says about the Sonar field, TJ has the knowledge...so I often wonder why he is incapable of believing me about Jesus. I cannot wait for the day he is broken and bent before the King, only then will all my worries fade away.

Day Sixteen

Communication....well, I usually do most of the talking and didn't really realize how just being quiet and listening is a wonderful way of communicating. I always thought it was TJ's way of letting it go in one ear and out the other, but it truly isn't! How many women don't get to finish what they are trying to say and are continually interrupted by their husband when she is expressing her feelings?? Here I am, blessed to have a husband who truly listens to me!! I will forever be blessed by TJ's silence, it not ignoring it's attention to the details of my statements. I love him more and more knowing this fact.

Until tonight...

Day Fifteen

TJ's faith is always a concern of mine. I must remember this is in the Creator's hands, not mine. I am so blessed he is attending church with me, something he told me he would never do when we were dating. I see how the Lord is working in him. I would love for the changes to be quicker, but I am not the Lord and His timing is far better than mine. In 15days the Lord has shown me where I need to change and with that...TJ is changing. We attended a new venue at our church and TJ said he really liked it, not that he didn't like the main service...just this service is more intamate. If this is where he can be intimate with the Lord, then I am not stopping it, we will attend this venue and I support him in this decision. I know the Lord is working. TJ might not see it, but I sure do.

He has been so loving and compassionate with the back pain I am going through, it has been a blessing to me. TJ is a true "tough guy" so to see him worry for me in his helplessness has made me want to lean on him even more. He is showing faith in me for our home-school journey and has given me his blessing in financial matters when he would normally put the checkbook first and the need second.

I had been so focused on his faults that I had not taken the time to see the benefits in the things that bothered me. I failed terribly in the 'obeying' part of my vows and didn't get what I desired. Now with submitting to obey my husband I have gained more freedom...sounds silly?? Welllll, Jesus knows what is best and if He required them in marriage vows, then I suppose I should actually 'do' and 'listen' to those vows....after all, He knows best. I have fallen in love with my husband all over again, in a deeper way then I knew possible. I thank Jesus for this. I just pray TJ realizes just how much I truly love him.

Day Fourteen

Integrity? I have to say, my husband has it. He is firm in our marriage and he does not fall into temptation. How do I know my husband is faithful in all ways regarding our marriage....well, he told me once that "it's not an option". He doesn't make certain things an option, if you don't have a choice to do it...you won't. I love that about him. Cheating - "it's not an option", Drunkenness - "it's not an option", Cowardliness - "it's not an option", Slander - "it's not an option", Dead Beat Dad - "it's not an option", and so on...
I can honestly say, my husband is a man of integrity. Praise the Lord.

Day Thirteen

Completely satisfied.....and if I wrote more on this subject, all the women of the world would be jealous. Oh, yes....I am blessed!

Day Twelve

This week's lesson is the reason I started this challenge. I had realized that me wanting my husband to change wasn't going to happen unless I made some changes first. I have this great guy who loves me, but all I could see was how he could love me better. Talk about taking advantage of him! I want desperately for TJ to love to Jesus more than me, but how is he suppose to accomplish this if I don't let him see how much I love him BECAUSE of Jesus. I have to walk the walk I desperately want him to walk. None of the changes I desire can happen until I love TJ in grace. This challenge is helping me to do just that. Day one, I had no grace....now on day twelve? I have a bunch more grace, and a hope that the Lord will overflow my cup and that it will run over TJ and immerse him in all the love Jesus can offer.

See you on day 13...

Day Eleven

God is so totally in control...
Last night TJ and I were sitting down and relaxing and just chatting about the next day, today. I told him I had to go to the grocery store, since we were out of EVERYTHING!! TJ is a total stickler about money, I guess that is why we always have it in the bank and are not in debt...Praise the Lord for him!! He told me to try and keep the bill with-in a certain dollar amount...now normally I would just let that statement go in one ear and out the other since food is a necessity of life, but I actually listened and heard him.

Soooooo, this AM I read the assignment and there it was...obey your husband!! No Aaarrrrrg this time, I was going to obey my husband because I have to obey God first, even if it was going to kill me:)

Actually, I truly wanted to Glorify God with obeying my husband thus giving my husband joy. Long story short....I obeyed beautifully and my husband was very pleased and appreciative. I think he might secretly be proud of me ;) Regardless, I am proud of myself and I pray it lifted his trust in me. I do love him so and want him to never forget that I too take my vows very seriously.

Until Tomorrow...

Day Ten

Welllllll, this one was easayyyyy!
I love to tell my husband how handsome he is....I call him "me Irish Lovarr" and it just makes him grin and do a little nervous chuckle....LOVE HIM!!
So instead of the same-O-same-O, I opted to tell him I love his lips....that's right ladies!! they are yummy to kiss!! Just can't get enough of those 'pucker-up and hold on' smacks! He just keeps giving them to me so I better let him know I want more of them :)

Until Tomorrow...

Day Nine

Epic fail!!!!
Well, I listen to my husband every day ramble about his job...it is very hard to sound interested in the Sonar Field. It is a bit Borrrrring. I went to a viewing of some new curriculum I was looking into and fell in love with is so I just had to talk his ear off. I know I should have kept to the assignment of not talking all day, but that is what I usually do...so it wasn't a priority. Hellloooooooo, I barely get to say a word about my day, I am continually inundated with the 'stupid idiots' in the office remarks. I do know the Lord wanted me to listen, because in the long run I apologized for chatting his ear off...which he said no worries about and believe it or not he wanted me to follow him around the house so he could listen!! WOW!!
I promise to be better at my homework.....well, at least put in more effort for tomorrow. I'm liking this challenge, it is allowing me to see my husband with a new set of eyes.

Until Tomorrow.....

Day Eight

Oh My Goodness!!

So the day flew by me, stress-fully I might add and I didn't get a chance to complete the assignment. So, do I skip it or try to accomplish 2 in 1?? Aaaarg!!!!
Good news is that this challenge is paying off, TJ could tell I was stressed and just came home and gave me a big hug and a kiss....awwwwwww, how sweet;)

I know that he has and will always be faithful to me. We have been married for 7years and not once has he lied to me or given me any indication that I cannot trust him in his faithfullness to our marriage. I'm sure he has been tempted, afterall he is in the Navy and spends 6 or more months at a time away from me, yet he knows that would break my heart, his own and most certainly God's. TJ cheating on me is the last thing I worry about when he is away...he loves me too much for that and I know this becasue of his continued commitment to the vows we took on our wedding day. He holds those vows close to his heart and for that I am forever greatful....I suppose I should tell him that....make up assignment here I come!!

Until?? Later today with eight and nine review...LOL.....

Day Seven

I am so blessed to have a financial guru for a husband. He is great with the finances. I pay the bills since he is deployed frequently but he always checks up on me...which I don't really like, but I know that I have a spending streak every now and then. In our marriage we have an agreement that we won't spend more than $100 when we go out to make 'shopping' purchases, something that isn't a necessity that is. I don't know how TJ does it but he somehow manages to make a $1 turn into $100. I am very blessed never to want for anything. He works very hard to keep us financially secure. I don't think I thank him enough for this attribute, I usually fight him all the way because a girl wants what she wants. I'm glad I have realized that his thumb on me isn't always a bad thing...we have food on the table, clothes on our backs, a roof over our head and a little extra for family fun. His frugalness is a true blessing and I am thankful for that, even if it does scream "NO!" when I want that new Coach purse or another Bible.

Until Tomorrow...

Day Six

Bleh......since I wasn't feeling so great, today, it made it a little difficult to inform the public of my husband's greatness. Thank God for modern technology....I was able to post something on face-book...

I did tell him at the end of the day that he is a total genius in the bathroom remodeling sector. He jimmied the shower and caulked it oh so beautifully. A little hard work goes a long way and a little encouragement and appreciation goes even further.

Until Tomorrow....

Day Five

Edification...that is a good one. I must say that edifying TJ to my family and his family has always come easy. I continually lift him up to everyone and express the greatness he has in our lives. With this assignment I have realized that no matter how much he is edified by me to others, the smallest of negative comments can blow the millions of uplifting ones right out of the water like a cannon from a Pirate Ship. I know I have vented to family and friends about the irritating things he does or the times he has hurt me and I am confident that they have over powered the edification I once accomplished. It is a haunting reality that I wish to never be part of again. What others might think of our marriage and our relationship has never been a thought to me, but to know that for one split second I could tare a part of my husbands soul out of him in the eyes of another is paralyzing.

In just 5 days I have come to realize that the only way to be a good wife and the wife the Lord commands me to be is to throw the positives my husbands way, keep edifying him to others no matter what and to pile the resentment, negative thoughts, negative words...whatever it is...into that giant trash bad and empty it at the feet of the Almighty and beg for a new heart and a new mind and a new love to compel the greatest of sinful wives.

I praise Jesus for allowing me to see that no matter how much I edify TJ, one harsh word can drown it all out. I pray I bite my tongue off before I ever do that again...it is a disgrace to the greatness my husband is and will become.

Until Tomorrow......

Day Four

Today was a bit boring. I know the assignment was too lift your husband's hard work up and yada, yada, yada.... Today, I was thoroughly exhausted, I am sure I should have tried harder to encourage him, although I did mention it several times, something I do constantly to begin with. I suppose I should have prayed about it or delved a little deeper on what God really had in mind for something I do frequently to begin with, but the fatigue got the better of me. I'm finding that the first 4 days are great, especially when the assignment is something you already know how to do. I really do like being a 'know-it-all' :)

Well, I can say for sure that encouraging and affirming my husbands hard work ethic has never been a problem, the keeping my mouth shut when he pisses me off IS!
Oh, that reminds me....I did bite down really hard as not to say something negative. We are remodeling our guest bathroom...in truth TJ is doing the work. As usual he asks for my help in picking something up or handing him something, for fear that I might actually know more than he does. Today, he had a heck of a time getting the shower in, I watched as he struggled trying to maneuver it in and asked if he wanted a suggestion, of course he said "no, I know what you are going to say and it won't work"....at this point I would begin to get snippet and probably call him an @**whole but I bit down and just kept quiet....so NOT easy for me. After he smacked and cracked it a bit and then eventually turned the water on, I just had to giggle a bit, it was kind of funny and I seriously laughed in joy and silliness, not in satisfaction. TJ saw the humor in it mildly and took my advice, getting it right in place immediately. I didn't even boast...what the heck, I always boast when I am right;) No fighting, no boasting, no frustration...just silliness and a husband who helped me with my own projects a little later in the night. Well, I guess I did fulfill today's assignment...especially when I told him all the hard work he does pays off...especially when he listens to me...BOASTING!! LOL

Day Three

Today's requirement has been hard to achieve. TJ had a really rough day today, so I felt it wasn't so important to stick to the assignment exactly...instead I was compassionate to his needs and just offered to bring him lunch. His day is so stressful he didn't want us to come and just drop off food, he said he would rather us come and hang out with him, if only his schedule would have permitted that. I really would like to ask him for help tonight so that the assignment can be fulfilled but I honestly think the Lord just wants me to lift him up by not adding to his 'to do' list. I think the compassionate part needs to be on my end today instead of on his end;) I just pray that doesn't turn out to bite me in the butt and the encouragement doesn't come to a halt because of it.

Day Two

So, today's assignment was a little easier...since it was a bit more on the materialistic side. I found myself anxious to get to the store and get my Hub (aka Mr. Fix-it) a little something. It is so funny how the Lord prepares us for the following day. TJ is the literal 'fix-it when it breaks' man...he is always repairing things around the house and last night he stayed up until 1230am to fix my computer that kept freezing up. He was obviously frustrated, but it was awesome to know that he cared enough about my calendar to make sure I could access it the next day. WOW!! I read today's assignment after all of this and I just had to smile at it. Needless to say, a thank you card and a couple gift cards made their way into the bathroom he is remodeling;) I so have a DIY hubby and I am thrilled! I know it seems silly, but I could tell he loved the "just because" sentiment, especially since I told him he had to use them for himself and not on something to fix for me!!
I'm still wondering if I will have the desire to speak negatively, especially since it is only day 2...but I am praying I will refrain from the action because this is making me feel like a better wife already.

Until Tomorrow.....

Day One

I am shocked and dismayed at the ability I have to bite my tongue. Anyone who knows me, knows that I don't hold my tongue and sI peak exactly what I want when I want. Today, however, was a God controlled day...I mean I allowed Him to work in me.

As for today's assignment I found it very difficult to open the topic or statement of encouragement. I have told my husband on many occasions, without prompting that I am so blessed that he chose me to be his wife and that I am always in his corner. He's been told from day one of our relationship that these were my feelings. As awkward as it was, I did find a way to sneak it in there. My Hub called me to let me know he finally went to the doctor to get something minor checked out, I truly felt the desire to rub it in and do the "I told you so" statement but God really closed the door on that idea. Honestly, I couldn't believe the positive words that came out of my mouth. I found myself enjoying hearing the words coming out and hearing the joy in my husbands voice. I have had several opportunities to talk negatively and I didn't even entertain them....I found myself embracing the good and seeing my Hub the way Christ wants me too. I am further encouraged to move forward in the days, but I want to hold off reading the assignments until the night before or the morning of. I truly can't wait to see what is in store for tomorrow.

What I learned through God's word is a husband truly trusts his wife and I have to keep giving him all the reasons to trust me so that we can continue to grow for God's glory and our marriage can be an example to others. I am in awe of
Prov 31: 11-12 and have been meditating on it throughout the day....."The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life."

Until Tomorrow...

Tomorrow''s the Day

Well, tomorrow is day one of the challenge and I can already tell Satan does not like this idea what so ever. I woke up this Easter morning in total resentment for my husband and the fact that he didn't clean the kitchen like he said he would and he didn't help at all with the kids' Easter baskets. Mind you I was up till 1am alone, accomplishing these things while he snored the night away. Bitter?? I hate you Satan for getting under my skin this morning. I can promise you this, Jesus and me will succeed over you...I don't care how hard it gets!! I desperately want to see what the Lord has in store for our marriage this month, because if Satan wants to squash it before Day One ever starts then it is bound to be fruitful.
Until Tomorrow....